Valentine’s Day special: Love and Money February 10, 2006
I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s a chance for marketers to get you to believe that if you lavish your man or woman with gifts, you will get love in return. It’s not that I don’t believe in love, because I do, and I am an idealist. But it’s the commercialization that I hate about it. It’s a lot of wasted money. What happened to writing a nice note for your love?
If you are already in a serious relationship or married, I think it’s critical to discuss your financial goals. Too many times, I see women who are in relationships who do not care about their finances or leave it up to their spouse. Money represents different things for different people…love, power, security, control, happiness, self-worth. Couples who ignore discussing finances will eventually fight about it. If everything else is going great, eventually not discussing finances will start harboring negative money thoughts about your spouse. For many men, money is a way they kept score. It’s difficult for some men to accept that women can make their own money and take care of themselves. They insist on buying them things or paying for all the dinners. This is a way to present themselves in life that looks good to others. If you don’t know eachothers personal financial thoughts and goals you don’t know what to expect from eachother. And there comes in the marketer during Valentine’s Day. Media, articles, TV, etc will get you to believe that you must take him/her out to dinner…and don’t forget the flowers and chocolates. There are tons of articles out there about what to get your love and how to spend your night out. If you set eachother’s expectations about money in general, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be about spending a lot of money to show him/her that you love them. It’s really just another day.
As you “celebrate” Valentine’s Day, think about money and your relationship to money. Do you equate money with security and control? Are you frugal because of it? Are you saving away for financial freedom? Or is your relationship to money linked to how others view you; prestige and self-worth. Are you buying your girlfriend/boyfriend lots of expensive gifts to show her (and other people) what a good person you are? Are these relationships aligned with your real life relationship? If he or she really loved you, they would tell you not to get them anything, because they know you’re working hard to save up and reach your financial goals.
To end, here’s an article from the Washington Post on Love and Money. Happy Valentine’s Day!